If you read the last Notes from Piers the following will make sense. If you didn’t then it won’t. Suffice to say, Richard Stilgoe is an absolute genius.
THE END OF THE PIERS
Piers Clark is totally obsessed
With how Darth Vader, once undressed
And locked inside the Dark Star’s loo,
Produces weightless number two.
He wrote about it in his blog –
(An entry he called ‘Captain’s Log’.)
And then, when swimming just off Haiti
(Where Oxfam staff get far too matey)
Piers got a sudden inspiration –
“Super Critical Oxidation! –
That would turn Storm-trooper’s poop
Into pure and tasty soup;
Each time Darth Vader needs to go
We’ll just use S.C.W.O.
To prove this isn’t just a gag
I’ll have it ratified by TAG,
And then, with a small loan from REEF,
It’s my conclusion and belief
That this technology will give
Pure water to help people live!”
He flew back home to tell his staff
Who, trying bravely not to laugh,
Once his opening speech was done
Said “Piers – I think there may be one
Darth Vader fact you might have missed –
He doesn’t actually exist.
He isn’t real – there’s no such bloke,
So your technology’s a joke.”
Cried Piers, “Thank God the staff at Isle
Will always go the extra mile
To test and trial new ideas –
I need the judgment of my peers!”
(At this the staff polite laughs uttered –
They knew which side their bread was buttered).
Piers went on, “Of course I knew
Darth Vader doesn’t really poo,
And thanks to you the truth now dawns –
Instead we will use unicorns!”
The staff said “Poor Piers needs a change;
The Elon Musk Home for the Strange
Must be his future domicile.”
So now, retired, Piers lives in style
And smiles his medicated smile
While dreaming of his happy years
Desalinating all Earth’s tears
14th February 2018.