Notes from Piers, no 174 - A Valentines day Poem

Notes from Piers, no 174 - A Valentines day Poem

Wednesday, 14 February 2018


Piers Clark is totally obsessed

With how Darth Vader, once undressed

And locked inside the Dark Star’s loo,

Produces weightless number two.

He wrote about it in his blog –

(An entry he called ‘Captain’s Log’.)

And then, when swimming just off Haiti

(Where Oxfam staff get far too matey)

Piers got a sudden inspiration –

“Super Critical Oxidation! –

That would turn Storm-trooper’s poop

Into pure and tasty soup;

Each time Darth Vader needs to go

We’ll just use S.C.W.O.

To prove this isn’t just a gag

I’ll have it ratified by TAG,

And then, with a small loan from REEF,

It’s my conclusion and belief

That this technology will give

Pure water to help people live!”

He flew back home to tell his staff

Who, trying bravely not to laugh,

Once his opening speech was done

Said “Piers – I think there may be one

Darth Vader fact you might have missed –

He doesn’t actually exist.

He isn’t real – there’s no such bloke,

So your technology’s a joke.”

Cried Piers, “Thank God the staff at Isle

Will always go the extra mile

To test and trial new ideas –

I need the judgment of my peers!”

(At this the staff polite laughs uttered –

They knew which side their bread was buttered).

Piers went on, “Of course I knew

Darth Vader doesn’t really poo,

And thanks to you the truth now dawns –

Instead we will use unicorns!”

The staff said “Poor Piers needs a change;

The Elon Musk Home for the Strange

Must be his future domicile.”

So now, retired, Piers lives in style

And smiles his medicated smile

While dreaming of his happy years

Desalinating all Earth’s tears

With Isle.

Richard Stilgoe

14th February 2018.